Why I make pizza

Lately it seems like I've been making a lot of pizza. Which means I am eating a lot of pizza. If I'm going to eat pizza, then I make it, as I detest store bought or restaurant made pizza (besides Bertuchi's garlic and artichoke pizza because that is delish!), so here are the reasons why I make pizza:

1. It's yuummy. If I'm being good I put fake cheese on it, if I'm in a 'screw it' mood I put real cheese on it. Yum!

2. You get a lot of food groups and can use up left overs or food that is just about to the point of needing to go in the compost. Like vegetables, left over chicken, ground beef, canned goods, etc. If you think the 'toppings' might be a little weird, just put some fresh garlic on the pizza before you cook it, solves the problem. I have yet to get food poisoning, but one needs to use ones better judgement on that one. If you see white, blue, grey or black fuzz on it, best not to put it on your pizza!

3. You can get a lot of meals out of just 1 pizza! I make rectangle pizza on a cookie sheet and I can get at least 3 if not 4 meals out of that 1 pizza! If I'm being really ambitious I'll double the recipe and freeze the extra and have it weeks or months later!

4. It's relatively inexpensive especially if you make your own dough and use left overs. I do both.

5. Its therapeutic to make but waaaaaay faster results than when making bread.

6. There isn't a lot of clean up or mess unless you were being really crazy and get sauce on the ceiling or something.

7. It's easy. I don't even think Julie (who swears she can't cook with yeast) could mess it up.

So here is the pizza recipe that I use. Like I said it's very yummy!

Dough:

1 package dry yeast

1 cup warm water (if you can't feel temperature like I can't, best to have a friend or someone who can tell temperature make sure the water isn't too hot so you don't kill the little yeasty creatures, as that is bad and you get very flat dough)

1 tablespoon sugar

2.5 cups flour

2 tablespoons olive oil

First turn your oven to 425'F. While that is pre-heating, in a large bowl mix the dry yeast, warm water and sugar. Stir that until the yeast is all dissolved. Then add in the flour. Mix that. Finally add in the oil. Mix that. Now set the bowl (hopefully it's metal, or else heat resistant plastic or glass) on top of the stove, where the burners are, NOT in the oven! So that the bowl gets a little warm and the dough rises a bit.

While the dough is getting all happy you mix the sauce.

Sauce:

1 8oz can plain tomato sauce

1 6oz can plain tomato paste

seasonings you like, I like basil and oregano and fresh garlic

Mix the sauce ingredients in a small bowl and set to the side. (I have been told that if you double the dough recipe you can get away with NOT having to double the sauce recipe too if you are frugal, I rather like sauce, so I usually double it, but you don't have to)

Also shred your cheese. Most of the time I use pre package already shredded mozzarella or fake cheese (I keep it in the freezer so it doesn't go bad) though sometimes if I have some interesting cheese add some of that to the mix too. Havarti, Gouda, cheddar, feta, etc. Have some fun, do what you like. Set that aside.

By now your dough should be a little puffy and warm and happy looking. Take that out of the bowl and kneed it a bit, probably about 3-5 minutes, just so it gets kind of stretchy and not very sticky. I don't usually need any extra flour, the oil in the dough I think helps.

Now take a baking sheet, like I said I use a square one, if you have a pizza pie pan you can use that I guess. Don't grease it or anything. Just stretch the dough out on the pan.

Put the pan with the dough only (do NOT put the sauce, cheese or toppings on yet) in the oven at 425'F for 10-12 minutes. If you like your dough crispy put it in longer. If you like it more chewy don't put it in as long.

While that's cooking, raid your fridge and figure out what you want for toppings. Be creative. If nothing strikes your fancy, then guess you're having plain cheese pizza now aren't you?

When the timer goes off, take the pizza dough out and let it rest for about 5 minutes. Then put the sauce on, spread it around as much as you like. Then the cheese, then your toppings. Put it back in the oven for another 10-12 minutes.

Timer goes off again and voila! Pizza!

Rules

I'm a very literal person. I'm a very rule oriented person. Some say I'm rather 'rigid'. And some say I'm rather 'inflexible'. And some say I need to 'lighten up and go with the flow'. And some say I'm too 'black and white' a thinker.

I have some desire that the world fit into little cubbies like your coat was supposed to in kindergarten. And that things are colored in the lines. And certain things, like certain foods don't mix, or certain colors, or smells or what ever. I find many things chaotic, and I just want a little order. I want some consistency. I want to fight entropy. I want to fight 'unknown complications'. Even though I know it's a loosing battle.

And if someone once told me a rule, and then told me a consequence that was severe enough that I didn't even want to try to see if they were bluffing, I never forget. Never. And if someone told me a rule, but a consequence that I didn't think was severe enough, and I pushed the boundry and I broke the rule, and the consequences were worse than I bargained, I don't forget. Ever.

Once, many times actually, told that 'the rules are there becuase we know best.' One starts to believe that they can't ever know best. So stop trying. It's that literal thing again. No one ever said that you now know best, so do what you need, they just stopped saying anything and assumed you understood. And finally someone realises that you don't understand that and then tells you, 'yes, you can do what you need now, modify the rules to fit what you need.' Until, something goes wrong and once again you hear, 'the rules are there becuase we know best.' And it's all confusing again.

Sometimes I do bend rules to fit what I need. Sometimes I do let go of old rules to make new ones that work better for me. But pick and choose those carefully. You never know what might happen.

And I don't like change. Replacing an old rule with a new rule, even though it might be better in the immediate or near future, is still change. Is still difficult. Is still incredibly stressful. Have to think about it for a long, long time. Like the cabinet doors in the kitchen. I open the upper ones and forget to lean back and get whacked in the head. It hurts. A lot. Nearly take my eye out. I want to take them off. I should take them off. It would be safer to take them off. BUT 'it wouldn't look right'. That's a rule, kitchens should be aesthetically pleasing. That comes before functionality. That comes before safety. Hard to break that rule. Even though I need to. Even though it's my house. Even though if someone questions it, is critical of it, it doesn't matter, this is MY house. But it does matter, since it is a rule- aesthetics come before safety. Even though I know that makes NO sense and aesthetics doesn't matter to ME! It matters to other people, other people who are rarely invited to my home. It's hard to change the rules. Very, very difficult.

Next year the porch has to be replaced. The boards keep rotting out. I keep having to pry nails out so not to step on them or the dogs get hurt. Now is when I start worrying about it, about the change. I don't want it the same, but I know the same, the same is ok, the same is the same, even though it's not what I would want in a porch. Have to start thinking in little bits what do I want, what would be better, starting to digest that it could be ok, I could get use to it. And so on.

Once I make a decision, I tend to just do it. AFAP (as fast as possible) so that it's just done. The change is quick. Rather than having to adjust to all of these little changes over a prolonged period of time, it's better if it's fast, over night even. One day it was A, the next B, but B has to be what I oked, what I agreed to, so that I've already got B in my head and then I can start to get use to B as a reality. Never decide that sorry, B isn't going to work so now today we're going to C and you just have to adjust. Ahhhhhh, can my brain explode?

Except, the world doesn't work like that. Nothing works like that. My own body doesn't work like that. We argue a lot because of that. It tends to win. Don't wonder why.

More Ridiculous Dog Toys

We're not going to go into just how many dog toys litter my living room rug, but I have to mention one that Obi and Monty do enjoy (I think Monty enjoys it since it distracts Obi from his favorite toy which is "The Living Chew Toy" aka Monty) and that would be an Udder Tug.


Yeah, I know. Weird name. Don't even want to know what people 1st think when they hear it. Seen a few funny expressions, but never asked the "what did you think I meant?!" questions since really, I just don't want to know.


These toys are made from used, left over, going to be thrown out, cow milkers from automatic milking machines. Dogs LOVE them! And the main company that sells them donates to rescue and raises money for cooling vests for working dogs in Iraq and is generally a good place, so I support them when I can. (ie if you're going to get your dog one of these toys, please order it through them) The current one we have, was an accidental toy to come home. It was from Obi's breeder and one of the dogs (either J or Obi) dropped it in the suitcase as I was packing and I didn't see it, so it lives here now instead and it has a happy home, even though I bet the flat coats in WA miss it.


(yeah and that large black moose there is indeed Mr Obi at age 5 months, ya think I'm going to have trouble find a horse trough big enough to feed him out of when he's fully grown?)



(and this post is all to distract me from thinking about things I probably should deal with but don't want to right now like trying to teach dog training to obviously inebriated people, and nightmares, and making up my own rules and incompitent vets and stuff equally not pleasant to think about right now. This is why I have dogs, because they're cute and fuzzy and funny and otherwise generally pleasant to think about and be around except when they are seriosly ill and then I just worry incessently but hopefully that won't happen again for a long long time more, hopefully)

What is a Cuz?!

What is a Cuz you ask?! What is a Cuz!!?? Oh, the uninitiated in the dog-toy-world I will tell you just what a "Cuz" is. It is James' NUMBER 1 FAVORITE TOY in the whole wide world (minus a tennis ball which he is not allowed to have in the house due to his desire to destroy them all)

THIS is a Cuz (ok really, it's a large black dog's head ie James, with the yellow feet of the Cuz just visible, see how much he loves it??!!):
(yes he even sleeps with it! And if I or one of the dogs rolls on it in the middle of the night it goes SQUEAK! and scares the living bajeebers out of me!)


http://www.boston-terrier-challenge.com/tests/cuz.html (other dogs LOVE their Cuz's too!)


James only has a "Good Cuz" cuz he's a GOOD DOG! But there are also "Bad Cuz"s with devil horns for those "bad" dogs. And even Dino Cuz (for the extinct dog??) with dinosaur tails.

James thinks he should be allowed to take his Cuz everywhere- in the car, on vacation (yes the Cuz went to Seattle and back with us), in the bedroom, outside, inside, under the bed, in the crate, etc. We currently have 2 "active" Cuz's (since Monty likes to steal James' and that just isn't good with increasing torment levels, even though Monty much prefers Nylabones, he just likes to antagonize J) and then I have a secret stash of about 4 in the closet as I got them on sale for 50% off a few months ago (great bargain!!)


They are rather resilient little toys, we have the "medium size" ones. And even Obi puppy teeth failed to puncture it.


So there you have it, that is what a Cuz is. And the 'throwing it for a flat coat' bit I hope is rather self explanatory. :-)

Memories

Oh the places your brain takes you on its slightest whim. Unsuspecting you, something you see, smell, hear and then you're sucked into your brain. Stuck there for minutes, hours, days in places you'd rather avoid, spend copious amounts of energy avoiding. Then you learn that what you remember never should have happened, that it wasn't just a part of life, not everyone had a life like that, and you've got to reprocess all of that shit now and try to make it fit into new places. And it's hard. And it takes a lot out of you, except there are things that need to get done in the here and now, and some of the things you juggle start to drop, those ADLs that you have trouble with sometimes anyway, and now need more help with for the short term, and luckily have a few people who can help, but still, adds to the guilt that you even need help. And round and round it goes. Where it will stop no body knows. Just get tired. Have a few days where you're not so tired, where you think, ok maybe the worse is over, maybe I can get back to breathing ok, not worrying so much, then no, something else sends you down memory lane and you're drowning trying to keep your head above water all over again. Take a walk, hold a corgi, throw the Cuz for the flat coat, sleep, paint, anything, anything. Such is life.

So many things to say

But too over stressed right now to figure out how to say any of it. Brain trying to get a grip on a number of things and reprocess a lot of stuff.

Maybe sometime soon, in the mean time, just going along, one foot in front of the other. Haven't had a down time day in too long, next one not till Friday, can't come soon enough.

Public Disability Transit & other stuff

One of the reasons I moved to this town, which is still suburbia and not in a city (which I can't handle) is there is both public mass transit (the commuter rail) which can go to Boston or Providence, RI and public door to door disability transit which goes to all but one of the towns I have drs appts in. Once I moved, I also found out that the Council on Aging has a more reliable door to door transit service that I would qualify for.

Good, right? Right, except, why does it take so long to get the t's crossed and i's dotted so that I can use the services? I guess, in the scheme of things 6 weeks isn't a long time, but this past week driving has been really, really, really difficult (ie impossible) and I've been relying on friends and family more than I like to get where I need and tomorrow I have a drs appt that is usually on another day of the week, but had to be rescheduled to tomorrow due to the dr going to a conference, and I can't get any family or friends to drive me and I don't get formal written approval to use any of the transit services that would help me get to this appt tomorrow, till next week.

The MBTA even called me today, to tell me I was approved, but had to wait for my letter in the mail next week to use the service. The Council on Aging, told me they forgot to send me the paperwork, and would get right on it, but I can't use their service till they get the paperwork back.

So, I'm going to have to drive tomorrow. What would probably be a 2hr thing (driving there, appt, driving home) is more than likely going to be a 4hr thing due to the fact that I'm going to need to take a huge mental break, and a few stops on the way there and home to drive safely. And a prayer that I don't wind up with a migraine.

The other thing I'm finding is how much is too much and how much is not enough information to tell the people who call about my use of services. On one hand, if I tell too much they'll deny me as there are times when realistically I probably can't use even their service, but I know when those times are and would get a family member or friend to drive at those times or not go at all, but they can't take my word on that, it's too much liability. On the other hand, if I come across as not "disabled enough" (which is such a bizzare concept but anyway), they will deny since they think I should be able to manage mass transit or driving myself.

Like when the MBTA person called today to ask a few questions (which I guess I answered right, as then she said I had approval for the services) she wanted to know if I had ever used mass transit before. The answer to that is "yes", but it's not a plain old "yes", because while I have used the T and commuter rail and buses before, I have always needed help at some point from a familiar person (ie friend/family) since once I get on sensory overload, I have a very difficult time finding my way to any place familiar and back home, and I wasn't sure how to explain that, as I didn't know if she wanted the long answer to her question or the short answer, but one answer I knew wasn't going to be enough info, while the other might have been too much.

It gets rather complicated. Or at least I think so.

Today I decided to make my day off, since last week had too many migraines, Depakote ER had to get increased becuase of that, and the rest of the week is crazy with drs appts, lessons and other stuff. Becuase up to 1,000mg of Depakote now, have to have blood levels rechecked to make sure not getting to toxic levels. Which is really something I'd rather avoid. Hoping not, as I think it does help some and don't want to have to go through finding a new drug all over again. This is the 1st daily med I've been on in a very, very long time that I've had virtually no negative side effects and a positive effect on the thing it's supposed to be treating. Been going to PT, and practicing the exercises, which has helped my shoulder pain a lot. The weekend, was the weekend, I wasn't in good head space, so didn't do much. Spent some quality time (ok not really, I mean she was here being incredibly nice, I was on another planet in a different time zone) with my friend Li, and watched the Wizard of Oz (the ONLY musical she likes) and did you know there is both a Tucan and an Emu in that movie? Strange, isn't it? And does anyone else wonder where the red brick road leads? All you ever know about is where the yellow brick road goes, not the red brick on that spirals in the opposite direction in Munchkin Land. Yes that was the extent of any positive thought I had all weekend.